Hop, Skip and a Jump Across the Pond

After a little over 2 years of staying stateside, I went pondhopping with some of my favorite girls for 10 days! We went to sunny and bikini clad England and Ireland! (ha... ha... that's what we call SARCASM my friends.) We ate, drank, walked a million miles, drove around, caught up with old friends and site-saw our little tookuses off!

Q: Holly, but... you have no money, how does one go on such a fabulous trip without any money?



A: I am glad you asked. If you would like to take the poorman's vacay simply do the following:

Step One: You open a credit card ( I unfortunately already have one, so I must admit I skipped this step).
Step Two: Use said card until it bleeds.
Step Three: You tap into your bank account. You use that money until your bank account basically gives you the middle finger every time you open it up.
Step Four:Come home; bitch about not having any money to your friends who really don't care because you just went on a ballin' trip.
Step Five: "Make a Budget" that you most likely will not stick to. Do your damnedest to stick to it. But, really you are poor. Face it. No budget can fix the damage you just did.
Step Six: I suggest paying the $9 a month for Netflix and getting dollar store popcorn for your SUPER fun weekends in. OR get a sugar daddy/ mama.


Thank god we have generous friends who let us crash in their beds, living rooms, and awkwardly on their couches.

Ok, now that we have figured out the logistics of how I managed such a trip; on to what happened!

You should know, right up front, we were the LAZIEST bunch of tourists EVER. We did not get up before 10am except for ONE day, so by the time most people hit attraction number 3 of the day were like, " Well, we should probably eat before we really get going," then we would sit in some pub or restaurant and chow down, so that by about 1pm we started out to see something... not that we had a plan by any means. I think we returned to the Southbank in London like 5 times because we would miss things due to the fact that they were closing at 5 or 6pm.

An open letter to the Department of Tourism: London, England:

Dear London,

People are on VACATION. I think, maaaaybe the attractions geared toward the people on holiday should also include times for the lazy bitches. I am just saying.

Yours in fish and chips,

Holly


Clearly the highlights of the trip were not the castles and all that... they were the nights out, the old friends and the moronic photos we took :)

Let me start with the moronic photos. I am just going to put them all through this blog and you can see for yourself our excellent muggin skillz.

CJ and I had both been to these fine countries before, Val and Aimz had not. I am happy to report that we were looking for a "cultural" experience, rather than a touristy one. So we found the best way to do this was to call on our friends who live over there and eat and drink in numerous places! My liver hates me, my stomach loves me. It is a struggle I am willing to live with.

The trip was pretty great- I don't even know where to begin with everything that happened. Let's just say I made some random friends due to the fact that I think I can dance... I embarrass myself, I really do. We saw tons of history and bought many souvenirs. I have reaffirmed the fact that I CAN sleep anywhere, (It's a gift.) And I do believe I have mastered the art of efficient packing. We went out to pubs and clubs in London, Limerick and to a random house party in Dublin, because someone heard our American voices and wanted us to come party with them- that ended up being super fun!

We went to Tower Bridge, tons of museums, the palace, a castle, the Guinness factory, the Cliffs of Moher, drove hours in a tiny corolla hatch back, took the tube, tried to throw CJ in a moat, saw a man jump in the fountain at Buckingham palace, learned how to properly arrest someone in London, met tons of people, and basically had a WONDERFUL time.

I do not feel like I am on track yet since I have been back. I moved and so I had to set my place up and then get ready for school to start AND get back into the whole working thing... sigh... it's been nuts. After this weekend things should be back to normal-ish.

Derek Darjeeling is in Hot Water

Derek took two steps at a time up the stairs with Cammie's bag and quickly escaped into the guest room as Cammie went to meet his mother. He had never, in his life, felt like this. What was going on?

Many female nurses had come and gone in his house. Some tried to seduce him, some tried to set him up with their daughters; but never had he even taken an interest! NEVER had he so wanted to just be near another human being! Where was this urge coming from? The last time he felt this weird was when he was having some off tasting cookies that nurse from the town to the north called Caribou, gave him with his afternoon tea. Come to think of of it Nurse Caramel Macchiato just did not fit in in Oolong. No wonder she did not last long at their house. But, that was neither here nor there. Right now Derek had to get himself in check.

Right.

He would just get his pack together and head out into the mountains. That always cleared his thoughts. Obviously he was just stressed out at work with the upcoming mid-terms and field trip he was planning. Being in charge of 30 screaming kids at the county fair was no easy task. Not even for a man who could weather the elements and had strict control of his classroom. Once the kids were let loose it would be worse than the time he went to Africa to camp and was attacked by the baboon who wanted his energy bar. That slap mark on his ass did not go away for weeks, it made the 30 mile bike trek he had planned very difficult.

As he rubbed his cheek in remembrance, he walked to his room to make sure he was ready to go. Everything seemed in order. He was ready to leave. He would just go say good bye to his mother quickly and hop in his Jeep and be off to the mountains; where he belonged.

"Mother," He yelled, "Mom, I am about to head out. Do you need anything before I go?"
"Oh sweetheart will you come here really quick? I wanted to show Cammie some things in my trunk, and the lid is stuck. Chamomile is just not as strong as you I guess! haha."

Derek took a deep breath and walked into his mother's room. Cammie was next to the trunk still trying to budge it open.

"No, no. I am not some weak blend, ok? I can get this! I have 3 brothers who would be very disappointed in my spaghetti arms right now." She said.

"But I think I ..."tried Derek.
"No, hey, you keep quiet I can do this!" Cammie said cutting him off.
Derek nodded his head and said, "By all means, not another word."

Cammie huffed and puffed and pulled at the lid on the trunk, but it would not budge. Derek could not help but laugh at the determination in her face.

"Laughing at me, huh? Ok Derek Darjeeling, let's see you get this!" Cammie said as she stepped aside and blew a strand of hair that had fallen loose out of her eyes.

Without a word Derek went over to the trunk and undid the lock he had installed on the back of it.

"Ok, now try." He said with a smug smile on his lips.

"Well, if you want to do it the easy way you would do that!" Cammie said as she flushed red. Cammie could not believe what a fool she must look like! She mentally kicked herself as the lid easily slid off the top of the trunk.

Mrs. Darjeeling was beside herself with laughter. " Oh Cammie, it's quite alright! I think you and I will have a lot of fun this weekend! You are already more entertaining than the last girls I have had around! Derek, darling, you go have fun in the mountains. We will be right here when you get back."

Derek leaned in for a kiss from his mother, "Goodbye mom. Behave. No boys while I am gone." He teased.

"Well darling I will do my best, but Cammie here will be fighting them off with a stick!"

Cammie blushed and pretended to busy herself with the things in the trunk.

"I am sure." said Derek bashfully. "Ok, right, I will be back Sunday, maybe early, I um, well you know have midterms and the field trip, and you know, just to see how you two are getting on!" Why was he rambling?

"That's fine dear, say good bye to Cammie and give me one more kiss and we will see you in a bit."

Derek gave her one more kiss and then mumbled like the 12 year old boys in his class, " Uh, good bye Cammie. Have a good weekend, hope you settle in fine. I don't have a cell phone, so if you need me just tell the park ranger he will know where to find me. Not, that you can't handle a weekend on your own or anything! I mean I am sure you are a great nurse..." OH DEAR GOD WHAT WAS SAYING? Shut up Derek! Just just up! He thought.

"Ha. yeah. Uh, we'll be fine here. You go enjoy the Wild West or.. ha... whatever." Cammie could not believe how stupid she sounded, who said the Wild West?

"Yeah, ok, I will. Nice to meet you." Derek said as he extended his hand for a handshake. Cammie grabbed it and both of them felt butterflies take off inside. Derek quickly took his hand away as Cammie turned bright red.

"Ok, bye." Derek said quickly as he darted out the door.
"Yep, bye." Cammie responded.
"Bye hunny!" His mother chimed. "Well I have never seen him act so strange. I am sorry Cammie dear, I don't know what's gotten into him." But, Cammie thought she might have an idea, and it made her smile in spite of herself.