Monday, March 16, 2009

Swimmin' with Da Fishes...


Dun nu. Dun nu. DUN NU DUN NU DUN NU DUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!
We have had a murder in the philosophy department! I know, I know, it's hard to believe!

Here are the facts:

8 neon tetras were massacred in room CC 381 on the weekend of March 6th by an unnamed Black Widow Tetra. There were no eye witnesses, but as the woman who discovered the crime scene... and wishes to remain nameless for her own safety reports,

"I left the office at 4:30pm Friday, March 6, and returned to the office Monday morning to discover the mass murder."

According to this witness there were fish parts floating in the water, the filter, and the fake grass. This witness then proceeded to clean the crime scene as the Black Widow Tetra swam menacingly in the corner.


The Black Widow Tetra was new to the tank. He had been there only a few days before he began his killing spree. Our one crime scene witness says he was quiet and swam mostly by himself. She has kept him in the tank, and has not introduced any new fish to the area for fear of the safety of other fish. She also reports that he does not seem remorseful for his actions, instead seems empowered by what he has done.

The verdict is still out on what will happen to the Black Widow Tetra. As this is a Philosophy Dept. the question of ethical procedures is of the utmost importance. One Ethics professor believes he deserves the death penalty- Death by flushing. Why deprive other fish of a clean and normally safe habitat? Others have weighed in, but the question still remains. Do we allow this killer to live in solitude, in this tank that once peacefully house 8 other fish? Or do we kill him to and introduce another set of peaceful, loving fish to Crown Center 381? You be the jury.

2 comments:

lazytiger said...

You know if you flush him he will just grow bigger and stronger in the sewers. (like that Alligator movie) Then you're screwed.

wisdomous said...

sneaky sneaky fish!