Short Work Week= Short Attention Span

For the record: I was motivated to do all sorts of homework for about 20 mins. I finished up work for one class... and that's it.

I am sorry Statistics, you are going to be pushed aside for yet another week.

**SIGH.**

All I can think about is moving. It is consuming EVERYTHING I do. All I want to do is move there and decorate, however, life is not that simple right now. First, I need to find someone to sublet the current apartment, god I hope someone does that soon.

Allow me to rant:
WHY do people say they are going to sublet your apartment and assure you day after day that they will do it and convince you not to show your place to anyone else because they think it is so cute, and then flake on you at the last minute?? Someone I hold very near and dear to the heart thinks it's because this woman wants him to poop on her doorstep, haha.

That makes me feel better.

(end rant.)

Anyway, this week will be nuts. I am running the Turkey Trot again this year. I love running an 8k before Thanksgiving dinner; I feel way better about eating so much that I need to be rolled to the car and after that uncomfortable ride home, ya know, just given a good kick into my front door and then I just sleep where I land. It's a beautiful thing.

Thanksgiving is a great holiday.
No presents.
It always allows you a Friday off from work.
It is an excuse for pumpkin flavored everything. (awesome.)

Some people like to get all upset and overly pc about the barbarism of the day, but really? It's not like we all sit around and be all like, hell yeah, pilgrims! Woo! People use this day to just give thanks for the good in their lives, be with their friends or families and I see nothing wrong with that... or all the pumpkin-ness.

This year I am staying in the Chi for the blessed day. I went home last weekend to celebrate and holy crap my little brother made the BEST steaks I have ever had in my life. Seriously, the man is a genius with a grill.

The day before thanksgiving, I am working a half day and then I have 2 friends coming in town, one from Ireland (see his blog here: http://ssully.blogspot.com/) and his fabulous girlfriend who lives in Wisconsin. I like this tradition we are forming. Sully, being the smart individual that he is, has decided never to miss Thanksgiving, as it adds one more holiday to his year and one really excellent meal as well. Last year they both came to Chicago for the day before and decided to do it again this year, and I am only too happy to take a half day and hang out!

So the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday... I am not a big Black Friday shopper, I am moving on Black Friday this year actually, but that's not the point of this paragraph. The point of this paragraph is that my in box has been flooded with e-mails about SALES SALES SALES! So far, my favorite has been Victoria's Secret's "What's Sexy" list because I am curious to see how well some newer products sell. For example:


I am sorry, is that... is that a pink sea urchin coming out of your butt? My friend Kelly had a sea urchin spine in her foot once and that was painful, so you should be careful.

Anywho kids. Have a good Thanksgiving!

Hiatus HI-YAH!

Hey Kids!

I just realized that I have not blogged in ages! I have excuses, whether or not they are good, valid or otherwise acceptable remains to be seen, but they DO exist (and one of them is not laziness). I really miss the ol' blog and I thought to myself, what better time to blog than when you are all crazy because of flu meds? (well, to be accurate I am taking Tylenol severe congestion rapid release strength of titans... whatever pills).

So yes, I caught the flu. NOT swine-flu... wait! Sorry lobbyists; it is H1N1 now. But, really,PUH-lease! Getting flu that is named after some animal is SO 2007 (bird-flu anyone?).
I managed to contract good old, in bed for two days, bored out of your mind influenza. All you people getting H1N1 are just trying too hard. You don't have to get the latest fashion of everything, jeez.

Anywho I am on the mend now, but still kinda all hopped up drugs. I don't like taking meds, especially antihistamines, I feel all foggy and I do stupid things. For instance, I was reading some guidelines for a project for class, which caused me to look for my class binder. I could not find my binder and I got really upset cuz that meant I probably left it at le boyfriend's house, and I need it for class tonight! ... Turns out, I was staring at it the whole time; I was reading the guidelines out of it.

I have sent out e-mails with the wrong info in them, and a myriad of other things. A person with a brain in his/her head would go home but, Like I said, mine is in a slightly slowed and foggy state today... so my decisions just don't count.

So many a thing has happened in my time on the accidental hiatus! Number one: I had my quarter life crisis! To honor this crazy event ( I still forget I am 25 now) I had a Ninjas v. Pirates birthday party. Which was pretty friggin excellent if I do say so myself!


Then came Halloween! The crew went as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I was very proud of the overall turn out...Master Splinter did not make the picture because his "drunk off the ooze" rat ass went to the second party first, and you know everyone says they will make it to the second one, but there are always the casualties! So when we got there, I believe we were down a couple of turtles and so no full picture was taken, but just imagine...
My brain functioning as it is right now, that's all the update you need... my costumage. ALTHOUGH I was very proud of the Captian Von Douche costume Paul had and my Chastity Cockblock one from the Friday before Halloween, but I am not posting those pictures, bc you don't want to see them. You don't. Just move on.

... But can we go back to this whole FLU thing?? It is ruining my week. As anyone probably knows tonight at midnight thousands of screaming girls ages 7 - 107 will be freaking out and rushing movies theatres to see New Moon. I was SUPPOSED to be one of those girls elbowing, pulling hair, kicking people in the back of the knees, and calling each other really mean catty names, all to vie for the best seats. But since I am having a hard time staying awake right now, I doubt I will be awake at midnight and in fighting form. (And it is just too bad, I am itchin for a fight!) So I am having to forfeit my ticket AND a date with Davonna no less, to crawl into bed and wait 'til I come back from Omaha on Monday to see New Moon. SIGH. JUST heavy friggin' SIGH. I was also supposed to see a concert with zee boyfriend, but clearly that's not happening either. WTF flu? Anywho here is a dreamy R Patz photo to make it all better:

DO NOT STAY IN SCHOOL

I have not gotten political in awhile, but I HAVE to say something about the people who are FREAKING out over the man leading our country giving a speech about staying in school...

Now it should be noted that, yes, I voted for him. I had serious issues with our past president, but I have never, in my life, voted party-line. I do primarily vote Democrat, but if I think a Republican or Independent can do a better job, then I vote for that person. I do not think one party is right, I do not think that any one person has it right. If there is a person out there who does have it all correct, holy crap! You should change your name to God.

OK, that's out of the way...

So first of all YES, I have read the speech, and you can too: http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2009/images/09/07/obama.school.speech.pdf

But you know, I guess I can see why people would be concerned:

Oh dear god, he talks about living in another country! Oh my gosh, no, he talks about himself, he is making himself sympathetic to our children! What if they like him? What if they are inspired by this person who was elected to lead our country and make major decisions that affect our everyday lives?

But, he is talking about disadvantaged people... some of them are Latino and African American OH NO...What if they figure out that he makes regular speeches... what if they learn something about him? Oh god what if this speech starts a trend in schools where they have a class about modern issues... or worse! They have to learn about ALL presidents!

(oh, wait... those classes exist? American History, Government and the like? Oh... right... whoops! My bad!)

What if my kid learns about what the president's agenda is? This is bad, SO bad. My kid should not know what's going on! I don't want her or him to know about this stuff, they could form an opinion and oh no.. oh no...OH GOD! MY KID WILL POSSIBLY STAY IN SCHOOL!

(end sarcastic rant).

(begin serious concerns).

What kind of country do we live in, that we think our leader; who was elected to power- he did not somehow assume power- is the enemy? I do not think he is trying to create some sort of crazy super socialist society.

I get the concerns about the health care plan. I don't think he is going about it in the right way. Personally, I think that members of Congress should not be deciding how this should play out. I believe an independent group (kind of like how the Federal Reserve is independent) should be coming up with a health care plan. It should be people who work in insurance and health care and people who have extensively studied the problems within our health care system that should be coming together to come up with solutions that will gradually make it possible. THERE IS NO BAND AID (haha, get it? health care, band aid...) But truly, when you are down and out, when you are suddenly fired because your company HAS to downsize, you will be thankful that you can go to the doctor. I don't see why people are against that basic principle.

I understand not liking your leader. I was in that boat once, but you have to realize that he is our President. He represents us on a global scale. You better know what he is saying. Your kids better understand the image the world has of them. Ignorance is NOT the answer. Ignorance is how the Hitlers of the world came about. It is how hate and lies are spread. Educate yourselves, educate your children, ALLOW them the opportunity to hear a good solid message: that they have the power within them to do amazing things.

Every president talks to children. Where was Bush when 9-11 happened: Here.

This speech is a good message. It's an important message. It is not a political message.

It's simply reaffirming an opinion we all share.

It is okay to be united. It's what we are: the United States of America.

Hop, Skip and a Jump Across the Pond

After a little over 2 years of staying stateside, I went pondhopping with some of my favorite girls for 10 days! We went to sunny and bikini clad England and Ireland! (ha... ha... that's what we call SARCASM my friends.) We ate, drank, walked a million miles, drove around, caught up with old friends and site-saw our little tookuses off!

Q: Holly, but... you have no money, how does one go on such a fabulous trip without any money?



A: I am glad you asked. If you would like to take the poorman's vacay simply do the following:

Step One: You open a credit card ( I unfortunately already have one, so I must admit I skipped this step).
Step Two: Use said card until it bleeds.
Step Three: You tap into your bank account. You use that money until your bank account basically gives you the middle finger every time you open it up.
Step Four:Come home; bitch about not having any money to your friends who really don't care because you just went on a ballin' trip.
Step Five: "Make a Budget" that you most likely will not stick to. Do your damnedest to stick to it. But, really you are poor. Face it. No budget can fix the damage you just did.
Step Six: I suggest paying the $9 a month for Netflix and getting dollar store popcorn for your SUPER fun weekends in. OR get a sugar daddy/ mama.


Thank god we have generous friends who let us crash in their beds, living rooms, and awkwardly on their couches.

Ok, now that we have figured out the logistics of how I managed such a trip; on to what happened!

You should know, right up front, we were the LAZIEST bunch of tourists EVER. We did not get up before 10am except for ONE day, so by the time most people hit attraction number 3 of the day were like, " Well, we should probably eat before we really get going," then we would sit in some pub or restaurant and chow down, so that by about 1pm we started out to see something... not that we had a plan by any means. I think we returned to the Southbank in London like 5 times because we would miss things due to the fact that they were closing at 5 or 6pm.

An open letter to the Department of Tourism: London, England:

Dear London,

People are on VACATION. I think, maaaaybe the attractions geared toward the people on holiday should also include times for the lazy bitches. I am just saying.

Yours in fish and chips,

Holly


Clearly the highlights of the trip were not the castles and all that... they were the nights out, the old friends and the moronic photos we took :)

Let me start with the moronic photos. I am just going to put them all through this blog and you can see for yourself our excellent muggin skillz.

CJ and I had both been to these fine countries before, Val and Aimz had not. I am happy to report that we were looking for a "cultural" experience, rather than a touristy one. So we found the best way to do this was to call on our friends who live over there and eat and drink in numerous places! My liver hates me, my stomach loves me. It is a struggle I am willing to live with.

The trip was pretty great- I don't even know where to begin with everything that happened. Let's just say I made some random friends due to the fact that I think I can dance... I embarrass myself, I really do. We saw tons of history and bought many souvenirs. I have reaffirmed the fact that I CAN sleep anywhere, (It's a gift.) And I do believe I have mastered the art of efficient packing. We went out to pubs and clubs in London, Limerick and to a random house party in Dublin, because someone heard our American voices and wanted us to come party with them- that ended up being super fun!

We went to Tower Bridge, tons of museums, the palace, a castle, the Guinness factory, the Cliffs of Moher, drove hours in a tiny corolla hatch back, took the tube, tried to throw CJ in a moat, saw a man jump in the fountain at Buckingham palace, learned how to properly arrest someone in London, met tons of people, and basically had a WONDERFUL time.

I do not feel like I am on track yet since I have been back. I moved and so I had to set my place up and then get ready for school to start AND get back into the whole working thing... sigh... it's been nuts. After this weekend things should be back to normal-ish.

Derek Darjeeling is in Hot Water

Derek took two steps at a time up the stairs with Cammie's bag and quickly escaped into the guest room as Cammie went to meet his mother. He had never, in his life, felt like this. What was going on?

Many female nurses had come and gone in his house. Some tried to seduce him, some tried to set him up with their daughters; but never had he even taken an interest! NEVER had he so wanted to just be near another human being! Where was this urge coming from? The last time he felt this weird was when he was having some off tasting cookies that nurse from the town to the north called Caribou, gave him with his afternoon tea. Come to think of of it Nurse Caramel Macchiato just did not fit in in Oolong. No wonder she did not last long at their house. But, that was neither here nor there. Right now Derek had to get himself in check.

Right.

He would just get his pack together and head out into the mountains. That always cleared his thoughts. Obviously he was just stressed out at work with the upcoming mid-terms and field trip he was planning. Being in charge of 30 screaming kids at the county fair was no easy task. Not even for a man who could weather the elements and had strict control of his classroom. Once the kids were let loose it would be worse than the time he went to Africa to camp and was attacked by the baboon who wanted his energy bar. That slap mark on his ass did not go away for weeks, it made the 30 mile bike trek he had planned very difficult.

As he rubbed his cheek in remembrance, he walked to his room to make sure he was ready to go. Everything seemed in order. He was ready to leave. He would just go say good bye to his mother quickly and hop in his Jeep and be off to the mountains; where he belonged.

"Mother," He yelled, "Mom, I am about to head out. Do you need anything before I go?"
"Oh sweetheart will you come here really quick? I wanted to show Cammie some things in my trunk, and the lid is stuck. Chamomile is just not as strong as you I guess! haha."

Derek took a deep breath and walked into his mother's room. Cammie was next to the trunk still trying to budge it open.

"No, no. I am not some weak blend, ok? I can get this! I have 3 brothers who would be very disappointed in my spaghetti arms right now." She said.

"But I think I ..."tried Derek.
"No, hey, you keep quiet I can do this!" Cammie said cutting him off.
Derek nodded his head and said, "By all means, not another word."

Cammie huffed and puffed and pulled at the lid on the trunk, but it would not budge. Derek could not help but laugh at the determination in her face.

"Laughing at me, huh? Ok Derek Darjeeling, let's see you get this!" Cammie said as she stepped aside and blew a strand of hair that had fallen loose out of her eyes.

Without a word Derek went over to the trunk and undid the lock he had installed on the back of it.

"Ok, now try." He said with a smug smile on his lips.

"Well, if you want to do it the easy way you would do that!" Cammie said as she flushed red. Cammie could not believe what a fool she must look like! She mentally kicked herself as the lid easily slid off the top of the trunk.

Mrs. Darjeeling was beside herself with laughter. " Oh Cammie, it's quite alright! I think you and I will have a lot of fun this weekend! You are already more entertaining than the last girls I have had around! Derek, darling, you go have fun in the mountains. We will be right here when you get back."

Derek leaned in for a kiss from his mother, "Goodbye mom. Behave. No boys while I am gone." He teased.

"Well darling I will do my best, but Cammie here will be fighting them off with a stick!"

Cammie blushed and pretended to busy herself with the things in the trunk.

"I am sure." said Derek bashfully. "Ok, right, I will be back Sunday, maybe early, I um, well you know have midterms and the field trip, and you know, just to see how you two are getting on!" Why was he rambling?

"That's fine dear, say good bye to Cammie and give me one more kiss and we will see you in a bit."

Derek gave her one more kiss and then mumbled like the 12 year old boys in his class, " Uh, good bye Cammie. Have a good weekend, hope you settle in fine. I don't have a cell phone, so if you need me just tell the park ranger he will know where to find me. Not, that you can't handle a weekend on your own or anything! I mean I am sure you are a great nurse..." OH DEAR GOD WHAT WAS SAYING? Shut up Derek! Just just up! He thought.

"Ha. yeah. Uh, we'll be fine here. You go enjoy the Wild West or.. ha... whatever." Cammie could not believe how stupid she sounded, who said the Wild West?

"Yeah, ok, I will. Nice to meet you." Derek said as he extended his hand for a handshake. Cammie grabbed it and both of them felt butterflies take off inside. Derek quickly took his hand away as Cammie turned bright red.

"Ok, bye." Derek said quickly as he darted out the door.
"Yep, bye." Cammie responded.
"Bye hunny!" His mother chimed. "Well I have never seen him act so strange. I am sorry Cammie dear, I don't know what's gotten into him." But, Cammie thought she might have an idea, and it made her smile in spite of herself.

My little Pervert

Have you ever known someone that you feel just grossed out and annoyed with, but you don't do anything about it because you are not quite sure if doing anything would even improve the situation?

I DO!

I have my very own Perry the Perv* (*name has been changed to protect the identity of the annoying).

He finds me everyday to tell me a joke in a Rodney Dangerfield voice... or make some god awful reference to a wildly inappropriate thing he finds hilarious. Now anyone who knows me, knows I have incredibly thick skin, a tolerance for the perverted, and nothing really makes me get indignant. But THIS GUY. It's something in his demeanor I think. he just skeeves me out!

He brings me chocolate (that he steals from a secretary) everyday, leaves it on my door handle even if I am not there, and if I say no thanks, he leaves it in the basket on my desk anyway and then proceeds to talk about one, if not all of the following things:
1. Boobs
2. Penises
3. Kristin Chenoweth
4. His stage fright (even though he walks around Loyola singing at the TOP of his lungs)
5. Insinuates something about he and I hooking up (gguuuhhh, aaaack, ew, ugh no. just no.)
6. Wine
7. His fat sister
8. Miscellaneous skin crawling statements

I don't know why the weird pick me out to befriend, or tell things to. I just don't. I have asked people about this, and Davonna says its because I am not mean enough. I am thinking about becoming mean, I really am. He tells AWFUL jokes that I see coming a mile off if they are not completely inappropriate. This guy has GOT to stop.

Let me relive a few convos for you:

1. Perry came into my office and asked, "Peppermint Pattie or a Cup?" Being the Peanut Butter Cup lover that I am I respond, "Cup, thanks." ...to which I opened the door wide open for this gem (said in a Rodney Dangerfield voice),

"This one is small, usually I like my cups bigger, awhawhawhaw! I said to my students: when it comes to being ahead of the curve in my class 2 D's equal an A." All while making gestures with his hands to make sure I got that he was talking about boobs.

My Response? " GET OUT." He laughed and continued to talk. "No, really get out Perry, you are so gross." Well he did not get it and started to prattle on about something, so I just started IM-ing people and eventually he left.

2. Earlier this week I was talking to someone else, and LUCKILY he has squeaky shoes right now, so I can hear him coming, I stopped mid-sentence and said, "Shit Perry is coming!" and ran out of her office to hide behind our refrigerator in the break room, AND HE FOUND ME! So I had to play it off like I was looking for something, not hiding from him, because another person who works for the university says, "He is harmless and you are just being mean!" Whenever she catches wind of the fact that I may one day flip my shit on him or do not want to talk to him EVER. Anyway he followed me around the department and told me a joke about poop. yaaaay.

3. "Hey, so this morning I woke up and picked up my coffee pot and the handle fell off. Then I went to open my door and the handle fell off in my hand, I am terrified to go to the bathroom. Mmmmhhmmmhawahawhawhaw!"


4. P: What do I hear playing on your computer?
Holly: Oh I have Michael Jackson's memorial playing, that's Jennifer Hudson
P: Death looks good on Michael Jackson: child molester in life, hero in death.
H: Ha. Ok.
P: You know what though? If I had 10 or 12 kids I would definitely pimp one out to a priest.
H: *jaw drops and I stare at him*
P: Make sure he is a reliable witness on the stand and get 2 or 3 million bucks out of the deal. Mmmhmmhahahahawhawhaw!
H: *Still staring at him with mouth open*
P: What? The rest of the kids would have a good life, ya know get the wife some plastic surgery. You know she is going to need after that many kids... everywhere. Mhmhmhawhawhaw!
H: PERRY! That's so... just so... WRONG! Oh my god! Get out you, have officially grossed me out to no end... oh my god!
P: Mhmhmhawhawhaw
H: Seriously get out!

5. So I was talking to my fat sister...

6. P: So you follow politics right?
H: yep.
P: You know they talk about the right to bare arms, I think an even greater one is the right to bare breasts.
H: Really? REALLY?! *big sigh and I point to the door"

7. P: Hey nice top today
H: Thanks Perry!
P: Your shirt is not too bad either...mmhmhmhawhawhaw! *winks and runs away before I can verbally assault him*

8. You know why I like Kristin Chenoweth? She has a great voice, she is so cute and she is so short. You know? Just THE perfect height, mhmhmhmhawhawhaw!

Conversations we have had about him:
12:45 PM Davonna: oooh perry is doing his vocalizations

12:46 PM me: oh jesus, lol

(this was heard because Davonna had her office window open... yes he walks around campus just singing opera)

___________________________________________________________________

me: I literally told him to walk away

I was like Perry just walk away

10:32 AM and he goes I am sorry I must have misunderstood you i thought you just said to walk away

and i said oh I did

and he pretended like he couldn't understand me

Davonna: wow.

____________________________________________________________________

Davonna: ah.. perry is at it again

like, SCREAMING at the top of his lungs (walking by our building outside)

me: lol

hahahaha

4:55 PM shutting my door for a sec then...

____________________________________________________________________

Davonna: perry is singing

I have my window closed

and I can hear him CLEARLY

me: wow

not surprised

but ya know

wow

AND heres the funniest thing ever

he has stage fright

____________________________________________________________________

I should do something about this, but the man is kind of pathetic. I will flip out on him one day and hurt his sensitive, nasty, little soul, but until then I am sure I will rack up the stories... SIGH.

What is Brewing in Oolong?

Derek had just gotten home from school. He kicked off his shoes and headed upstairs to get his gear together for another glorious weekend in the mountains.

"Derek sweetie!" His mother called from her bedroom.
"Hi Mom, I will be in, in a minute. Just throwing a few things in my bag." he answered.
"Oh honey I was just going to tell you that the nurse won't be here until 4:00, she is the new one. Janie took a job at the hospital."
"Who is it now? Haven't we gone through every girl in town?" He asked.
" Well it's a new girl from out of town, her name is Cammie. Seemed nice and had good references. Just answer the door when she gets here."
Derek walked over to his mother's room, a little annoyed that he would not get out of town for another hour. But, he gave a kiss on the head and adjusted her pillow.
"Do you need anything right now mom?"
" No sweetie, go get your gear together. Cammie will need to be shown the ropes when she gets here, so you may as well get all packed up. Oh! I almost forgot, will you check on the guest room? Janie said she would have it cleaned up and ready for Cammie."
"Wait, she is LIVING with us? Mom, you could have given me a heads up. Jeez, you don't even know this woman!"

His mother laughed and told him to calm down, she had family here at one point and it would be fine. "You are getting old, a little too young there Mr. Darjeeling! Where is your sense of adventure? Or do you leave that in the mountain range for the weekends? " She yelled after her son as he went to check the guest room. The room looked fine, so he headed up stairs to load up his gear.

An hour later the door bell rang. Derek let out a big sigh and ran down the stairs to let the strange woman, who would probably rob them blind because his mother hired without interviewing face-to-face, into his home. Derek opened the door, and much to his amazement, there stood a beautiful blond, albeit, mute woman. Derek just stared, she stared back.

"Oh, um, hi." He said realizing what an ass he must look like just gawking at her, " You must be Cammie, my ahem, my mother is waiting for you upstairs in her room. She um, she had me just check the guest room for you, and I uh... I can show you where that is and um everything else, you know, around here. haha." Jesus Derek, pull yourself together! He thought to himself. His hands were actually sweating, since when did his palms sweat? Who the HELL is this woman?!

Cammie, still said nothing, just nodded and nervously gripped her bag. She had to live with this guy? This gorgeous tan man? She was screwed. She did not come here to find romance, she came here to get away from emotions and boyfriends and all of that. Unfortunately, emotions and feelings of attraction were all she felt when she looked at Derek. This was no good, but she took the job, and she was strong woman, and hadn't his mother said he was gone during the day at work and on the weekends in the mountains? It would be fine. She had will power... somewhere in her, she was sure it would kick in. So, finally she muttered, " Ok, Thanks." And stepped into the house. But, as he took her bag, his hand brushed hers, immediately they locked eyes. Oh dear lord, WHAT have I gotten myself into? She thought.

Things were not going to plan for either of them.


(Ooooh romance is a BREWING)

Tea Bag 2

**Creative Credit to Davonna as well on these stories***

Chamomile's Story

It had been a long time since Chamomile Tisane had seen the mountains. Even longer since she had been in Oolong. She had never lived in Oolong, but she visited her grandmother there many times as a young child. So, after the horrible breakup with her abusive boyfriend Earl Grey back in Pickwick, she decided it was time to move to somewhere he would never find her; Oolong it was.

Chamomile, or Cammie as her friends called her, had answered an add to be a nurse for an older lady who lived with her son in Oolong. She would only be needed for a couple of hours a day during the week, and she would stay there on the weekends. This suited her fine. She wanted to keep a low profile for awhile. The last thing she needed was the hustle and bustle of a crazy hospital with the long shifts and irregular schedules.

Earl was a doctor in Pickwick. They had met working a night shift at the hospital. They hit it off instantly when he had grabbed her coffee and she had grabbed his tea in the dining room. They had a good laugh about it, and spent the rest of their breaks that night talking. He was perfect, on paper. Dashingly handsome, great smile, very popular in both America and England- a doctor for crying out loud! They dated for about 2 months before he told Cammie he wanted to date exclusively. Cammie was on cloud nine! But after that, things went down hill.

Within a month, his true black heart came out. He would cancel dates on her to go out with women labeled as Honey and Sugar in his phone. Earl Grey mixing and mingling with Honey and Sugar made her sick. How could he?? When she confronted him about them, he became enraged and he hit her. Cammie could not believe it. It was then that she said things were over and ran to her home and cried. How could she not see this? What kind of man was she allowing herself to be with?? But Earl would not let her leave without a fight. He tried to tell her he was sorry and would never do it again. He was hard to avoid, they worked at the same place; he would show up at her house and try to get in. She even had to call the cops on him a couple of times. So, after a few weeks, when she could not take it anymore, she quietly put in her notice and left Pickwick General.

It was a sunny Friday when Cammie arrived in Oolong. As she stepped out of the airport and into the sun light she breathed a sigh of relief. It was great to be out of Pickwick. She needed this fresh start. While it was hard to leave her friends, she had to do this for herself. So, as a knot started to form in her stomach thinking about her friends back in Pickwick she shut her eyes and drew in a deep breath and let it out slow, like she always did when she was nervous or upset, then she stuck out her hand and hailed a cab.

"The town has not changed much in 14 years." The 28 year old thought to herself. As the cab pulled up to the house she would call home and work until she found some place of her own, she smiled. It was quaint and friendly looking. The lawn was nicely manicured, the house looked like it was freshly painted. A sign on the fence post read "Sencha Green" it sounded relaxing, and clearly the son was doing work on the house, so at least he was not some deadbeat living with his mother; that was good.

Cammie grabbed her two bags and lugged them up the front porch. Friday, 4:00pm on the dot. She was right on time to be thrown into a weekend of work. She rang the doorbell and waited. When the door opened, she was speechless. In front of her was the most handsome man she had ever seen. "Crap." She thought as she searched for the English language. But somehow that failed her and all she could do was half smile.

What will happen next?? STAY TUNED!

These are the Tea Bags of our lives...

Recently, we have been using a different company at work to purchase our normal orders. Therefore, we have new tea. This is the most dramatic tea ever. So to pay tribute to the pain and strife the people on these boxes seem to go through, I shall begin the:


Tea Bag Saga

We begin the saga with the back story of our Hero...


It was the year 2009, and for one crazy adventurer, Derek Darjeeling, the adventure of a lifetime was about to begin. Derek was a rugged handsome man of 34. His curly hair, muscular build and kind face always made him the center of attention with the ladies. But Derek never really cared about all that. He was a quiet man, always reading about far off lands, and far off times. He yearned for adventure on the seas; battling pirates and swabbing the deck. Or maybe the day when he could climb a peak and live there amongst the elements in peace. A place and time with no cell phones, no computers and no microwaves. He hated microwaves.

Due to geography, and the fact that he needed his job teaching 2nd grade, his adventure seeking took place in the evenings after the school bell rang. Derek could be found in the mountains, climbing and hiking; seeking out adventure in the purest forms possible. He loved the feel of the sun on his face and weight of the pack of supplies on his back. His well worn jeans, that conveniently zipped off into shorts for those extra hot days, and his blue flannel shirt with his lucky beater were his favorite things to put on. They signaled time in his favorite places!He used to only eat what he could hunt or find, but after a very bad run in with some poisonous berries, he decided organic food was close enough, and said it was only sort of cheating to pack Clif Bars. On the weekends he hiked and camped until it was time to do lesson plans and correct papers.

Now, Derek was not a total loner though. He occasionally went hiking with other enthusiasts, and had childhood friends in his hometown of Oolong. He coached track at his grade school, and enjoyed many of his co-workers.

Derek was good teacher. His still vivid imagination made him a favorite amongst the kids. His dashing good looks made sluts out of the students' mothers and nannies. But, Derek hardly noticed. Derek never noticed anyone giving him extra attention. He cared only about finding his way out the small town of Oolong and women were only a distraction for that plan.

You might be asking why at 34 Derek had not been able to leave Oolong, but as with many small town boys, Derek was a total mama's boy. Derek's mother was very sick and still needed a lot of help. Derek, being the good man that he is, lived with her and took care of her... actually he had never lived without her...On the weekends a nurse would come stay so Derek could get away.

Derek had promised his mother he would not leave her side while she still needed him. Of course, he was 21 and about to graduate college then, and really, he thought his mother would have kicked it by now, and was actually quite regretting the promise. (He even tried to trick her saying he was drafted into the army, but she googled the draft and found out it was no longer in place and promptly hid his hiking boots as punishment). So he gave up hope of escaping the doldrums of his small town life, and decided to make the best of it... until one fateful friday.


join us next week for the continuation of The Tea Bag Saga.

Into the Wild

Last weekend I went camping for the first time since, I think, my senior year of high school... and even then I am pretty sure we ended up inside my aunt's house instead of sleeping by the river. Needless to say, it's been awhile since I have roughed it.

So, I flew to Denver, which is seemingly trying to beat the crap out of anywhere in Oklahoma for the most tornadoes this year. Clearly camping in the mountains is a GREAT idea with weather like that. I wish I had fear of situations like this. But, for some reason I think I am invincible. I like to sit upstairs and watch funnel clouds, I like watching the sideways hail pelt against the windows that are inches from my face, hell I am not even nervous driving in torrential down pours. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? You would think due to how clutzy I am, conditions that could amplify that would concern me... but no.

Anyway, we went up to Black Hawk, CO and camped for 3 days and 2 nights. It was a blast! The weather actually held out for us for the most part. I mean it was cold at night, but otherwise we only had one storm, and enjoyed the weather the rest of our days!

The first day we took it easy; set up our tents, and started making the first campfire... campfire was what we lived for, I swear we spent more time maintaining the fire. EN FUEGO.


Then we made burgers, talked, laughed, drank and made s'mores until ,what we think, were the wee hours... all I know is we decided it was time for bed when I laughed so hard I fell off my chair and hit my head on the picnic table bench.

The next morning I woke up too early. But oh well, I just sat around with the boys... around the campfire... until Darcy woke up and then we all ate and went for a hike. What I love is that we drove to a place called Nederland to hike to Lost Lake. I am convinced that Peter Pan lives in Colorado. I mean those names are PRETTY coincidental, no? Just look at this place:
I believe fairies and lost boys live here. It's gorgeous!! We stayed there for a little while, eating and fishing. The hike was a bit of a bitch for this "flat lander" as Ian's dad called me. My stomach was also doing something interesting, so we had to cut our time up in Lost Lake short to head back to civilization for a lil :D




We may have cheated and gotten pizza whilst in civilization... we MAY have...

We then went back to camp, just in time to get everything stashed and ourselves in the castle of a tent before a storm hit.
So the boys played cards. This is Ian by the way.

Darcy and I napped.

Then the storm cleared and Darcy and I woke up. The boys had started yet another fire. So we made dinner. I was in charge of corn... because I am from Nebraska... it was so good. Then we sat around the fire once again to tell stories and make fun of each other. It was a big "that's what she said" weekend. Many many many that's what she saids.

I think I have about a million inside jokes from the weekend too. And for the 4 others on the trip here is a quick reminder so we have them always:
- And the bear was like, Holly you don't need those bitches
- Give me a pop tart and I am good to go!
- trapdoor
- backdoor
- dirty eagle
-Hunts for Squirrel's nuts

It was a good break from the norm, that's for sure. I had zero cell phone reception up there, so I was very much paying attention to the people I was with. Not waiting for a text or a call or a response of some sort. It was really nice! Now that being said... I TOTALLY MISSED MY PHONE. hahaha. That concerns me a bit... I am that dependent on my phone... hmm. I also need to pay better attention to people when I am just hanging out with them I suppose.

I have also learned that I agree with Darcy, 3 days and 2 nights of camping is the perfect amount, bc anymore and you would just feel too dirty and probs get grouchy. I also learned that babies should not go camping... because they will wake up the PEOPLE IN THE CAMP SITE NEXT TO YOU AT 5AM WHEN YOUR BABY IS CRYING...

All in all. An excellent weekend. I did not trip while hiking, I came damn close! I am proud to say I made it out of the wilderness with only a bump on my head and a bruise on my thigh. I am impressed.

Soccer in the Football Stadium... Wait a Minute... oh, Ha, the Irony

This weekend I had 2 firsts. My first professional soccer match, and my first time cheering for my nation at a sporting event. I have had the chance to do this once before, it was a rugby match, and I chose my favorite rugby team, Munster, over the American Eagles. I am sorry, there was just no way the US was going to win and I learned about rugby in Munster and was brainwashed to love them. So I had no choice.

ANYWAY, The US played Honduras at Soldier field... also my first time in soldier field believe it or not... for a different kind of football... ah ha ha ha ha, I am so funny! Go ahead, take a moment. Breathe... Recover. Ok read on:

My friend Andy and I got totally decked out:
and we screamed and yelled at the tops of our lungs for the entire 90 minutes. As you can sort of see, the stadium was packed, and sadly not with American fans. Andy said he heard a man say that for every 1 US fan there were 3 Honduras fans. I believe it. Honduras fans were decked out in blue and white, US fans wore red. Soldier field was a sea of blue with specks of red. Andy said to me at one point, "Isn't it sad that the louder it is, the worse we are doing, on our home field?" And it kind of was! But none-the-less, it was so fun!! It was fun to actually feel like I could get really really excited about being American! I could cheer and go nuts and lose my voice over the fact that our soccer team is actually decent! We could sing songs, and start chanting and hug loads of strangers around us when we scored a goal! I felt apart of something bigger, and for the first time I was cheering not just for my state, not for a college, not for a favorite basketball team, I was cheering for my country's team. AND WE WON!!! I think I am not alone in this being a weird sensation.

The US is so huge. So many different teams, and 50 states all spread out, you feel like you are walking into a foreign land when you go from say Nebraska to California. We are different. We have different values, we live different lives and have different accents. Going to New York is nothing like going to Texas. To say you have been to the US is pretty vague. I mean jeez, we have Hawaii and Alaska!

Having studied in Ireland for a little while and going back there a bunch, I was totally jealous of the fact that my friends were able to sing songs and get excited about Eire! They made fun of other countries, followed their team to foreign places, and would get ridiculously trashed and party all day in honor of their team. I had nothing to compare to this other than say, game day in Nebraska! (there is no place like Nebraaaaaska, good old Nebraska U!) But, cheering for one school v. another or one state v. another is not the same thing.

Maybe it's because I spent a lot of time feeling somewhat like I had to hide the fact that I was American when I traveled for fear I would get asked a MILLION questions about why I voted for Bush? ( I didn't). Why do we think we know how to do everything? (um, we don't). Why do we have sooo much corruption? (Um HEY look at your own government too, ok??). I was always on the defense. I would try to stand up for myself, but once people found out I have a politician brother, my god, they grilled me. To be fair, when I was going over there a lot, half of my wardrobe said Jim Esch for Congress on it, so yeah I was a sitting duck. But, for the most part, I guess I was always very guarded about the fact that I was American. I love my country and I love what we stand for, but for awhile there, I will have to say I never wanted where I was from high lighted. That's a sad realization for sure.

But, back to soccer, this was the scene afterwards:
It was so fun!! We were all red, white and blue-ed out, clearly, dancing and singing and generally having a blast. I am so glad I went to the match. We kicked ass, and had gloating rites for the rest of the night. Anyone who knows me, KNOWS I am a very poor poor loser, like, just deplorable. I am also an asshole of a winner, so hoorah! I got to be an asshole of a winner!!!

Apparel-ently...

On my lunch break today I decided to do some on-line window shopping. Having perused my usual spots, I decided to look at American Apparel. They have a section on their site where you can check out their "new and innovative ideas". So basically, you can see the things they are currently manufacturing and will be on the market shortly. I will say this, some of their products are just SO innovative, I have no idea what their purpose could be. For example:

ASS-LESS TIGHTS
Now, call me CRAZY, but I am not sure I get the point of these tights. The only thing I can come up with is that someone REALLY enjoys wedgies, and well, this seems to be the solution.


(Really, I cannot think of another purpose... if you do, lemme know, the website did not provide explanation).

The Bow
My mother made me wear bows about that size when I was little... now American Apparel has made it possible for me to wear it in my mid-20's. Awesome. Oh, in case you were wondering, it CAN double as a belt.

I am actually a fan of this store- in doses. Some of my favorite articles of clothing are from here, but um... sometimes, like 83% of the time, I get nervous when I walk in... I mean I see people try on metallic shorts and hott pink and acid wash jeans in there! (and not as a joke, but as a fashion choice!) The 80's died a horrible death, it's like the Titanic, everyone agrees, you should let the tragedy have it's grave and only revisit it for historical purposes... with specialized machinery and robotics... the 80's would have appreciated the robots.

(C'mon, acid wash? harem pants? You people will regret it when pageant hair comes back in and you have to put effort into that shaggy hair cut you are sporting that works so well under your bike helmet... and you will have no one to blame but yourselves.)

One more thing.

MEN SHOULD NOT WEAR SKINNY PANTS. (just for your own health... seriously). My friend CJ said, "The sign of a good hipster is that you cannot tell if it's a he or a she." So, I guess, I mean, in this case go ahead dude, you wear those skinny pants!

I am a theatre kid, I know better than to hinder someone's freedom of expression, BUT WHAT ON EARTH DO ASS-LESS TIGHTS EXPRESS?

I have weird conversations...

This is what I talk about with people... I am ok with it. Thought you should know who you are dealing with I guess!

Number 1:This has been an on-going idea for about 2 years now ( his name has been changed to be able to actually enact this plan)

Friend: so we really have to follow through with this fake marriage i need a mini-fridge in my new apartment

so i never have to leave my new cave

me: hahaha

i have so much stuff i would love to get

Friend: cuz i would love a blender

and minifridge

dude and!

a kegorator

ooo and some martini glasses

me: oooh I want a flat screen... and a Wii... do you think its ok to register for a Wii?

Friend:of course
and some nice plates

oh and i totally want a nice set of pots and pans

me: I have martini glasses, I enjoy them, they are green

Friend: how am i the woman in this conversation?

me: I dont know

Friend: you want toys and i want glassware and cooking things?

me: AND A BAGS SET

hahaha

Friend: dude we'd have to get a bags set that's the only way our fake marriage could ever last

me: ok, some sweet ass sheets

Friend: yeah

me: there i was the girl for a minute

Friend: dude and a surround sound

there we go, required some testosterone

me: ooh man and some great soft bath towels!

Friend: dude that's a solid idea

me: and a good grill

Friend: i have one of those

but i guess you might need one

me: thats what the siblings got my brother, i was like, yes, let's continue this tradition

Friend: hahahhaa

oh dude and a nice set of Steak Knives

me: Oh yes!

Friend: let's get married in august so i can have my new stuff soon

Friend: it'll be a brief and remarkably unsexual courtship

me: HAHAHAHA

Friend: also I want a buddy holly impersonator to perform the ceremony

actually fuck buddy holly

i want jerry lee lewis

oh and i want a scotch cabinet

me: ooooh

this is going to go very well!

Friend: this is flawless

there is no way this can backfire

unless someone points out that you're seeing other people and i'm a manwhore

me: surely not

Friend: then we're screwed

fortunately no one knows either of those facts......

see that was funnier if you saw my face

me: lol I like our plans, so far today i am fake marrying you and breaking into your apartment to steal your hard drive... anything else slightly illegal I can do for you?
Friend: How do you feel about auto Theft? Also, how do you tell if a female is interested? explain how i can be sure she's interested before i make a total ass of myself.

Number 2- sent mid-day:T: I was reading a menu to some woman over the phone

and after everything i said

she made moaning noises

and i nearly lost it laughing on the phone

and not like "mmm" noises

but like "ohhhhhhhhhh"

"woooow"

it was the dirtiest effing phone call i've ever had

personal or business

granted, i wasn't getting turned on

but it sounded really dirty

like, someone could take that excerpt from the phone call

and it would sound like someone was giving her the business

Number 3:

a: i don't believe this "email" you sent me has an email address for the good padre

b: what?

bawls

a: yeah, i mean

dubs tee eff?

4:24 PM b:*@jesuit.ie

a: the jesuits have an email server?

awesome

b: the irish ones do i guess

.ie means ireland web addresses

i like how the US got .com

4:25 PM and everyone else is like .co.uk

a: well, we're awesome

b: or .ie

troof

4:26 PM a: i just straight emailed that fool, yo

b: WHAT SON?

a: awwwwwwww shee-it!

4:27 PM honky betta rekognize!

4:28 PM b: shoot

a: i'm not sure WHO the honky is in that sentence

4:29 PM but s/he sure betta look out, for realsies

b: me either but whatevs

I assumed the priest

a: sure, why not?

we're also unsure what he has to rekognize

the trinity?

holy days?

4:30 PM b: hellz Yeeaaah!

4:31 PM a: double troof

Number 4:
me: I may have just morphed my face with RPatz to see what our baby would look like....

http://www.morphthing.com/showimage/5/21d8d81accd3e4bf193c349f711c7761/0/185462/Baby-of-Robert-Pattinson-and-P1010138-JPG.jpeg

C: omfg i love you

9:55 AM me: lol

that baby probs needs to happen

9:57 AM Ch: hahahaha

i agree, he/she? is a cutie

9:58 AM me: lol

9:59 AM C: either way - good looking kid

it looks more like a female

me: this is like a new way to decide if you should continue dating someone

me: morph your baby

C: hahaha- weird.
i will have to keep the site

play around a bit

10:01 AM me: omg its too fun

and i am being CREEPY

I am going to send Ry a picture of what our baby will look like, hahaha

10:02 AM C: Ry D?

me: yes

ya know when we are 40... and we are not married, our love child that never could be, because he is gay.

10:03 AM p.s. why are my babies blondes?

10:04 AM C: haha

not sure

were you blond as a baby?

10:05 AM Ry was light haired

10:08 AM me: no

dark haired all my life

omg I just made a baby with my friend. haaaa. Ry will be thrilled. Except our baby looks crazy.
C: you will have wonderful babies if need be

well ry has the crazy eyes, so...

aaaaaaand secene.